This goes out to every high school senior, every college applicant, and every student who received an admissions decision this college season.
Personally, I went 3-3-1 for college admissions. As much as I prayed for a “winning season”, the pieces ended up falling into different puzzles, ones that I didn’t even know were there. And as much as it pains me to leave my initial hopes an unfinished picture, I am genuinely excited to see where the new paths forged take me.
Now, this new surge of hope that has taken control of me did not come to me easily and it very may well be a passing feeling, but I intend to hold onto it as long as I can. It definitely feels more comforting than the sharp pain that pierced my heart every time I read a rejection letter, and it beats the agonizing repetition of wondering “what if”.
That is the most essential idea that I have taken away from the college application process and that is what has been helping me to move through each stage of grief with more ease than I expected. I am the first to judge myself and critique every little thing, I admit that, and I am always the last to see what I have accomplished (and that’s if I even decide to accept that I have accomplishments). That mindset poisoned me, seeping into my bloodstream. The toxicity of low self-esteem prevented me from being unapologetically myself and instead of falling into the trap of fixating on “what would’ve happened if I let myself be me?” I have decided to just do it.
That sounds so easy, right? If only it were. It only took me multiple failures and thousands of hours crying over my supposed insignificance to finally realize that all I needed to do was make my own box. I spent so long trying to fit into a box that I wanted to fit into, one that I thought I needed to when in reality I just needed to build a new one. One that grows as I do and one that allows for every part of who I am to feel welcomed.
My heart goes out to everyone who received a “no” when they longed for a “yes” and my congratulations go out to everyone who was graced with good news. Coping isn’t what we desire to do, but it necessary for us to see the joys in every response.