I want to be the interviewee and not the interviewer.
I think that is one of the biggest things that I have been pondering as I round out my last semester of freshman year and start to fully settle into the career path I am embarking on. Yes, I love to write and that is how I ended up with “journalist” now attached to my name, but maybe my love of writing isn't enough for me.
Everything I’m about to say is in no way, shape, or form discrediting journalism because I am a firm believer that it is one of the greatest forms of storytelling and bringing people together. I am mores focusing on my own insecurities in thinking that I am not good enough to execute that purpose. I have always wanted to leave a mark everywhere I go and leave everything I've done knowing something was improved. Hell, I was voted “most likely to change the world” which is a stupid thing to hyper fixate on, but for some reason all I can think about these last few weeks is that I have wasted potential.
I know what you’re thinking, “Morgan, what the hell? You’re literally 19 how are you washed up already?” And you would be completely rational in thinking this because it’s true and my own fears are grounded in nothing but my own delusions. But I digress, something about being in my so-called “prime” makes me feel inadequate.
I know that I don’t ever want to peak, I want to continuously rise as the years go on. So maybe my fear is grounded in the idea that I don’t want these to be the best years of my life and I don’t want to look back and think that I did waste my potential and that I threw away any talent or drive I had. I’m afraid that there are so many avenues that I am missing out on for whatever reason that may be. Maybe it’s not even that complicated and I am just putting too much pressure on someone who hasn’t even been alive for two decades.
Whatever the cause is, I am using every last bit of energy I have to cherish and enjoy these last few weeks of my freshman year. Because it doesn’t matter if I will never be able to experience this time again, there are so many more things to look forward too and regret is not one of them.