I’m pretty sure that my official website birthday is March 27 and I missed it, but that’s okay because it’s better late than never right?
Erasing the pandemic from my timeline, a year ago I was in a low place. Life felt excruciating and just breathing took an insane amount of energy out of me. My world was constantly spiraling around me, the pace quickening with each moment of panic. To think that I have made it where I am now, physically and mentally, is astonishing. I feel healthier and happier in my mind than I have in a very long time and I can genuinely and honestly say that.
I used to think that I needed to achieve great things before I would be able to feel this way. I thought I needed to become successful and confident and secure before I was allowed to be happy with life. I refused to allow myself to enjoy the little moments because I was always thinking about what could have been. I feel sorry for myself a year ago and how insecure she felt. Granted I am far from where I hope to one day be, but I am where I never thought I’d even be able to reach.
Starting this blog, actually, posting my first piece on this blog was my nod to myself to say that it was okay. I was subconsciously telling myself that I didn’t need the stars to align in order for me to find my footing, I just needed to stand up. That is one of the biggest lessons that I’ve learned this past year. There is never really a “perfect moment” and waiting for it to come is meaningless and causes more pain than pleasure in the long run. Just dive in head first, there’s no point in trying to wade into the water you’ll eventually be submerged in.
As much as I wished I could’ve fully realized this fact a year ago, five years ago, I’m grateful for every experience that has lead me to here. It has been a long ride and an even longer one awaits, but I am excited to see where it leads.