tw: eating disorders
On December 1, I started a food elimination. My doctor had me do a food sensitivity test to try and see if I was having digestion issues due to painful stomach aches that I got when I was stressed. To her and my surprise, a plethora of different foods showed up red on my chart so she suggested I do a food elimination for four weeks to reset my system.
Initially, I was petrified, I was in recovery, I couldn’t afford to relapse into my old habits of restriction. I was afraid that because I had a medical order to limit what foods I ate, I would use it as an excuse to starve myself. But I pushed forward and agreed to the four-week food elimination. I told myself that I would eat and that it was necessary for me to do so.
I am 6 days away from it being over now. Three weeks on this journey and I am okay. I haven’t purged or intentionally deprived myself of food. I’ve nourished my body and even allowed myself to eat fear foods. In all honesty, I didn’t think I would be able to do it. It was mentally challenging and stressful at times, but I think it has in turn given me an insight on how far I’ve come. How much I have improved and strengthened my mind. As I have made this discovery I have decided to challenge myself a bit and incorporate fear foods into my meals.
My diet consists of mostly seafood and some poultry, which evidently are foods I haven’t been able to consume for the past three weeks. One of the biggest food challenges that I have faced is eating steak. I have avoided red meat for almost five years now (minus once in Texas), due to health benefits but also due to fear of the calories and the richness of the meat. So a week ago I forced myself to toughen up and tackle a piece of steak, I needed the iron and protein after all. It was pretty good, I ate it and I lived to tell the tale. Eating a steak, a food that I have avoided like the plague, made me feel comfortable. I felt safe and content with where I was in my life, despite all of the stress and anxiety that builds in my mind every day, something that used to feel like Everest, was a minor bump in the road to me now.
It may sound silly to find this much power and self-acceptance in a Costco steak, but to me, it’s more than that. It’s another step in my recovery that I don’t think I would’ve taken if it weren’t for this food elimination.